I am sure there are very few people who haven’t been affected in some way by the detrimental downpours, the ferocious fires or the distressing news of storms, suicides and stabbings. Like many people, I personally felt very saddened to hear the news about Caroline Flack, especially as I had also lost a dear friend to cancer recently and someone close to me ended up in hospital after feeling life was too much for her as well.
So how do you stay buoyant and up when you feel so heavy and down? What if you feel you are sinking into self-destruction, debt or depression? How do you cope with the emotional overwhelm, the sense of failure or loss of hope that anything will change for the better?
Obviously, things like looking at your diet, getting exercise - especially out in nature, journaling or seeking professional help goes without saying. Here are some extra thoughts to support you and get that spring back into your step:
1. “Even though this feels a pain in the a**, rest assured that this too shall pass”
Holding onto the belief that nothing stays the same for ever will give you some strength. Even the torrential rain eventually stops, the fires get put out and tears do stop!
If you are feeling particularly negative, could you ask yourself: “Is there a different belief I could have about this situation?” “What if I could choose to see this differently?” “Is what I am thinking creating pain or peace?” Your mindset is extremely powerful and can either help you get through a situation or hinder you further. Learning how to phrase your thinking and beliefs is paramount to increased energy.
2. “What others think of you is none of your business, BUT what you think of you is!”
If your situation involves other people, remember you cannot control what other people say or do. You do have control over your reactions and responses. If your self-worth is dependent on other people's opinions, acceptance or approval of you, you will never feel good enough. Maybe you could use the situation to find more self-love and self-acceptance. Remember the only approval worth receiving is what you give yourself.
3. “When you feel it, you can heal it, but wallowing is for hippos”
The worst thing you can do is try and pretend all is well, when clearly it is not. Your “Positive Pollyanna” attitude may fool others but the part of you that is not feeling that will still demand to be heard if you ignore, disassociate or bury your feelings. Emotions have a way of coming out sideways and, if you continually deny them, then you may find other family members, pets or other parts of your life will do the expressing. Unexpressed feelings have a way of manifesting themselves by sabotaging finances, health, friendships, families, career etc.
Conversely, just constantly wallowing in depression, grief or anger will have exactly the same effect AND lose you your friends!
One of the best tools I use for releasing emotions with my clients is tapping. There are lots of references on the internet detailing how to do this.
4. "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"
Often the terror tape you have playing of a “what if……. " scenario never comes to pass. But the thoughts and beliefs you hold can make it feel as though it already has. An exercise worth trying is to ask yourself “So what if that happened, then what?” Keep doing that several times after each possible scenario. If you keep going long enough with each scenario you should be able to discover that there is a part of you that will cope or find a new answer. It is often said that freedom lies the other side of fear. I would agree. Instead of focussing on the worst case scenario what if the best outcome happened - then what?
5. "The task before is never greater than the Power behind you"
My personal belief is that we never get given more to deal with in life than we are capable of overcoming. However, it may not feel that at the time. It is essential to realise that nothing is happening to you that is not happening for you. Every difficult and challenging situation has a way through. It is as though you have a higher part of you, helping you stretch and grow. Most issues are there to help you let go of old limiting beliefs, heal stuck emotions or support you in unfolding more of who you are.
6. "When you are in control you don’t need to be"
A lot of your pain comes from the resistance to the reality of what is happening, has happened or may happen. “But I don’t want to accept what has happened!” I hear you exclaim. The problem with fighting with life and what is, is that life always wins. Acceptance is not resignation, though. Learning to accept what is doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about what has happened; quite the contrary, you are probably being called to do something different. Perhaps an illness might be forcing you to slow down, or financial crisis may encourage you to act on something you have been procrastinating about; maybe change a coping strategy, heal the past or simply let go of something or someone. It is like saying to yourself “okay, this isn’t what I wanted but now it is here, what can I do differently?”.
7. "Happiness is not needing anything or anyone to make you so"
Most people put their happiness on things and people outside of them and so when they lose them this creates a big void in their life. The greater the attachment and need you have or had, the greater the pain is when they are no longer there. Whilst being totally independent is not the goal, learning to be “Self-sufficient” (believing you are sufficient) is. Your self-mastery comes from realising that the source of everything you need and want is right within you. You have the Power within. In the same way as a wave is at one with the ocean, you are one with The Universal Power and Life Force. When you consciously connect with that Source you uncover a strength within you to handle anything and everything.
So, I trust you have had a few new thoughts to expand your thinking. If you would like to come and work on developing these ideas with the horses, then either book a session with me or join me on Sunday 29th March and “Put a Spring back into your step”
FOR MORE DETAILS click here or call me on 07801 567850 for a free discovery session.
CASE STUDY: The bits to sort out when you are feeling a bit out of sorts!
Alan came to me feeling “a bit out of sorts” to use his words. He was a high-powered executive but also a loving family man. Because of his position in his job and family, Alan felt really caught up with his roles, duties and responsibilities. He didn’t feel he had the right to express what he was really feeling - depressed, resentful and stressed. Alan didn’t want to appear weak in front of his work colleagues and felt he had to be the "pillar of strength" for his family, so like a lot of working parents, he just worked harder, dismissed what he was really feeling and put his own needs last.
Even though outwardly everything looked hunky dory with the nice house, posh car and senior position at work, the real problem was Alan was feeling overwhelmed inside with all the responsibility on his shoulders. Even though he had material success he couldn’t enjoy it as he felt such a failure inside. But he couldn’t explain why.
Enter the horses......
Alan chose H and Woody to work with to represent his issue. We set up some obstacles in the arena to represent the challenges he faced and proceeded to negotiate them with H. H seemed lovely and cooperative on the outside (like Alan) but then refused to negotiate the obstacle that represented Alan’s reason why he worked. With a few poignant coaching questions and Alan getting honest with himself, he discovered that all his life he had been trying to “prove” he was good enough to his father. His father had never been free with praise when he was a child and there were a few comments his father made that Alan interpreted as "not being good enough".
The problem with anything you are trying to prove is that it really means you don’t believe it. This is a dilemma for so many people. There is never a point when you feel good enough with this strategy. Remember anything you are trying to GET from another person such as approval, love, acceptance, praise, recognition etc is what you need to learn to GIVE to yourself.
When Alan worked next with Woody, he tried to get Woody to do quite an advanced movement over the obstacle, so when it failed he took it personally. Alan went on to discover that all this striving and "proving" prevented him from properly enjoying the fruits of his success and what he needed to do was enjoy the smaller symbols of success rather than just pushing himself all the time for the biggest and best.
Alan felt a huge sense of relief and realised that he also needed to have an honest conversation with his family about what he was really feeling. The outcome was that both his wife and children all stated they would rather have him around more and have less “stuff”. Alan overcame his fear of cutting his hours back at work and appearing to not "pull his weight", and far from being less successful and productive, he found he was far more efficient and effective. His stress dissolved and he was so much happier with himself.
Win Win Win for everyone.
Thank you for taking the time to read our blog. The next newsletter detailing more up and coming workshops will be sent out soon.
Sending bright blessings and huge gratitude.
Wendy Woo & John too xx
And all the horses and staff at the Holistic Horse and Pony Centre incorporating the HEART Centre (www.theheartcentreuk.com)
07801 567850 / 01483 283221